Arabelle’s Shadows — Fleur Gaskin

Once upon a time, a girl made it into the modeling industry. She has the booming career, exclusive friends, and an elitist for a boyfriend. Thus the happily ever after? Not quite.

Told in a diary/memoir format—Arabelle’s Shadows unwraps the privy details of the usually deemed plush lives of picture perfect models. More importantly, it tackles the nasty Shadows vigilantly targeted on crushing Arabelle down.

 

Watching too much America’s Next Top Model, Runway Project, Gossip Girl and other fashion/modeling shows along with my fervent enthusiasm in flipping through fashion magazines (I actually have a huge collection of this Philippine teen mag called Candy Magazine but ceased into buying the moment I turned 19), I already have quite an idea how the industry works. I know a little bit about castings as the models in ANTM gets to spend a limited amount of time setting off to meet designers and exhibiting their works while these designers choose the models that they deem worthy to be casted. Some will be entitled to numerous castings, a few for some, while a minority of these models will find themselves down in the dumps. On top of that, one’s facial features will set you apart from the others. If you’re an American and looks too American, chances of getting into Italian Vogue would be miniscule; hence, do not expect to win at all. My favorite contestant so far, Allison, has this tendency of posing for awkward shots but ends up having amazing photos. She has this pretty big eyes that mesmerizes everyone (even the rapper Game who appeared as a guest in one episode), but closing her eyes in one photo made the judges hesitate to give her the title. She became a runner-up nonetheless.

Glamour plays an integral part in this industry. Everybody’s self-obsessed, has vanity issues, and overindulgent—which almost appear as job requirements. Arabelle never gets the big, high-paying commercial jobs because she looks too editorial; thus, the wobbly pour of money. Once, a photographer even gave her diet pills—said she was too fat albeit her overly lean body. She didn’t get casted on one occasion, too, as she was considered a few inches short. Modeling, as it turns out, is playing out with superficiality and flawlessness—there’s no room for any damages and defects.

But this book isn’t really about modeling; it’s about depression. At a snail’s pace, the Shadows began lurking inside Arabelle’s head and eventually endured for a stretched point in time, undeterred by her coveted transformation. Now and then, she’s convinced that she has finally prevailed over the vile Shadows; yet, as a matter of fact, they prowl unwearyingly, watchful for their next assault. Every once in a while, we, too, happen to run into these Shadows, transforming us into the crestfallen version of ourselves. It may be the huge zit on your face, deliberately taunting you whenever gazing at yourself in the mirror; it may be your bulging thighs, keeping you from wearing your favorite vibrant skirt; or probably you wish you had more money, to have an endless supply of designer clothes, ultimately dethroning the school’s queen bee. Somehow, these Shadows rupture our self-esteem, leaving permanent scars not only in ourselves but to our relationships as well. I know this; I’ve got my own issues, too.

A big chunk of this book covers the flashbacks from Arabelle’s growing up years. These are the most intense parts and hold the most heartbreaking scenes. It’s amazing how the author managed to create a realistic portrayal of someone who undergoes depression; Arabelle’s despair naturally seeps through the pages and impinges on the reader’s soul. Why not? The author recounts her own autobiography!

I love the final words from the book—I actually felt a tinge of satisfaction and pride as soon as she broke free from her old cocoon—and it very much sheds light on her career after giving up on modeling (well, not completely). To quote,

“I’m thinking that once I settle in I’ll probably go to university. Maybe study International Relations. I’m going to work hard. I’ll find a job where I’m respected for my mind. I still believe one day I’ll be famous, but it’ll be for helping people not because I have a skinny body and a pretty face.”

Very well said.

 

A big shout out to the author who provided me with a copy in exchange for an honest review. 🙂

Rating: ★★★★✰

The Loose Lip Brigade — Julia Newman

It appears that short stories do not directly appeal to me at the course of my first reading; hence, it is imperative for me to plunge deeper into them by means of a further examination. Perhaps I merely read each story with such promptness that I completely overlooked the significant points and implications so lucidly situated in front of me?

The Loose Lip Brigade, to tell you honestly, didn’t really move me in any way—at least at first. I deemed the stories nondescript and felt like the characters were too run of the mill to hardly feel anything for them. But then I was wrong. In fact, I felt terribly bad for even considering that.

Julia Newman sets off her collection through a story called “The Hurly Burly”. The title itself justifies the predicament of our foremost character, Ramona. She is tormented by a deep-seated commotion stirring inside of her. A possessive, green-eyed pal, Amelia acts like her name is boldly etched on Graham’s chest. As long as Ramona wants to be friends with her, he’s off-limits. But what if she likes him a lot, would the friendship still matter?

Following Ramona’s bestfriend-versus-boyfriend dilemma, comes a neighbor who is terrified at the thought of being alone in “Breadcrumbs”. She has lost a significant someone once, and now, her dog is missing too. The same feeling of desolation and eternal loss envelops her. The supposedly joyful reunion with Gracie, however, ended up in a saddening conclusion. Sam eventually realizes that she no longer have anyone but a home.

In “This Still House”, Kay feels like his home no longer feels like one. Regardless of having his girlfriend around, Stella seems so distant—an imperceptible being, almost nonexistent, breathing like an imaginary entity. Shortly, Kay decides to fix whatever’s going on in that house, feeling like it’s his responsibility to resolve—not really knowing what to do.

At the onset of the next story, “Dare to Dig”, readers will be hastily presented with the pickle into which the main character, Nina, is subjected to, with a follow-up recount of the earlier events in her life. Sexually active and an alcoholic, she is very much aware of her spiraling addiction. In fact, she wanted change. Pining for a sense of belongingness, she does what everybody does and hates missing out on anything. Her feelings for a guy named Keith troubles her, but another heartbreak won’t do her any more good.

Similar to the earlier story, the central character in “Noel” has a certain case of addiction—Emily is alcoholic and an excessive binge eater. Set on a Christmas Eve, she and Daniel are geared up for a homecoming visit to her parents; except, she doesn’t really want to go home. Sure, she misses her parents and all, but no one could ever help her nor fully understand her. The pills she desperately consumes couldn’t even lessen the burden of her depressive state.

The penultimate story in the collection, “Abandon”, was told though the eyes of two different people, Agnes and Keith (Dare to Dig). Keith finally falls for a girl, but being Peter’s best friend complicates things. This Peter complements the already teeming circle of alcoholics throughout the anthology. Agnes on the other hand is simply a tease, and in return, doesn’t feel anything for both guys. Keith feels the pang of rejection, and mulls over being not man enough to fight for his feelings.

Lastly, the final story called “The Last and Final Thing” brings us back to Nina from Dare to Dig. After losing Keith, she has finally moved on and at the moment dating a certain guy named Tom. However, just like Keith, Tom doesn’t like her the way she wanted him to. It’s as if men are running past her—nobody really stays for good.

Where seven different stories and seven distinct predicaments converge—Julia Newman’s anthology oozes with angst and embraces intense issues that yields an air of despondency, yet swarming with self-worth and realization—even in the most out of the blue and the slightest possible way. The best stories are those that doesn’t really end in a happily-ever-after but those that effectively lures you into the story, with both the reader and the character achieving a sense of fulfillment (once again, even in the slightest possible way). I really benefited from my second round of reading. The profound connection to the characters that wasn’t quite there before rocketed considerably. I felt the tension, the suffocation, the hesitation, and the uncertainties of each character like I’ve stolen their shoes and desperately wore them. In addition, how the characters respond to their own problems were realistically envisioned, like they’re the author’s intimate friends going through hard times. She captured the genuine façade of different people in different states of anxiety which is truly amazing.

A big thumbs up for a highly recommended book. 🙂

 

Rating: ★★★★✰